Married or monogamous ladies are already all tensed up, waiting feverishly for the commencement of wooing and loving from the eve of the D-Day! Even those with Aristos or a string of multiple lovers are either preparing their excuses for why that date will not be exclusive for one fella, or playing the one up game. Whom ever toasts the hardest, pursues the keenest and spends the freest, gets to snag the prize. The others have to make do with whatever cleverly packaged excuse her agile mind can come up with.
Interestingly, for the men, the range of emotions run the gamut of; I don't believe in Valentine, have never celebrated it (yeah right, he is wriggling out of spending time with you...the worm), to stretching themselves thin, trying to be in a million and one places at the same time (the love rat). Apologies to the steady and steadfast men, because you guys are few and far between, you deserve an honorable mention - at least - from me.
Truth be told, the concept of "One Day for Love", is a bit wearing and sometimes I wonder, what happens on the other 364 days of the year?
Can Madam now comfortably parade the house from morning to night with her "lappa" knotted across her chest, uncombed hair, untrimmed armpits and foul smelling dragon breath, only to suddenly ginger her swagga on the 13th preparatory to looking good enough for Oga to throw a perfunctory wham-bam her way on the 14th? After maybe taking her to go and eat fish at the nearest bush bar (probably the first and only trip of it's kind for the year)? Can that be love?
Can Oga revert back to being a boring, brutish bully with little or no regards for the lady in his life beyond demanding ready meals, even readier sex (at the spoken command - "come here", with an obligatory fumble here, a grope there, deposit, withdraw, and that's all folks), a quiet house, even more quiet almost unseen kids with the bulk of his affection given to the chicks out there who make the 24/7 efforts to remain in the game and hold their own?
At the risk of trying to flog life into a long dead horse, I honestly think the One Day of Love is highly overrated. No, I do not believe you should not make the day special if you are so inclined. Some of my memories of the best valentine's ever has been a quick trip to the nearest Mr. Bigg's (On a bike no less), by the bloke in question, chillaxing on the rug in front of the TV and just eating meat pie, or drinking coke, jisting (might not even be love jist, maybe politics, maybe office jist), but just being there and enjoying each other's company. If you have the means to go all out with the flowers, the chocolates, the high end perfumes, wristwatches, jewelleries, cars, trips abroad, etc, then by all means do. If your love is defined by material means, by all means, get your rocks on or off as the case may be.
I however, am more concerned with the other 364 days of the year. Are they not additional avenues to show and magnify your love? If one day can be so packed full of glitter and glamour that it sticks, imagine how 364 days of constantly validating your love through the little gestures that make life worthwhile would continue to blow each other's minds. Someone once asked me: "How can I show my wife love when I don't have money"? Sadly, that is what the world has turned out to be.
My best memories of loving moments, your guess is as good as mine how much was involved:
-Someone climbed a mango tree, plucked down a piece of fruit and drew the classic hearts and arrows with both names inscribed on it. Suffice it to say that the babe graduated from school with that prized possession still in her tight clutches!
-Another black like half past midnight guy, dating a yellow sisi, bought a bottle of coke and fanta and they served as part of the decorations in his home! Once you stepped in and saw the decades old Coke and Fanta which you could only touch at risk to your life, you knew what was on.
-A phone call at about 1 am, after you had spent the past few hours in each other's company to say, "Baby, I miss you die! Wish I were there or you were here!"
-Returning from work with Chicken Suya for madam, cookies for the children. Something or anything at all that says, while I was at work today, I thought of you.
The possibilities to show love daily are endless, and on a million and one of them, you spend little or nothing. gross your kids out with the PDA around them. gross your parents out, gross your neighbors out! I am not saying go the full shebang outdoors, No! A hug here, a peck there. A pat on the behind, exchange of fond looks. A secret smile that speaks volumes to both of you, secret words, pet names - you don't need February the 14th to do all these. they also do not cost a dime to execute - go figure!
I recall walking past a husband and wife on a work day, in a popular Abuja eatery, jisting and sharing lunch like they were tight, old time friends. I recall the couple for whom a day apart was like heart surgery, they had to be on phone 24/7 or at least every spare minute they could afford. I know a couple who are always in the clubs together, getting their dance on, always going out together to the bush bars, the classy restaurants, taking trips and breaks abroad. Heck, I once had a driver who would take permission, stop by the roadside and buy a pack of guinea fowl eggs for the wife because "Madam, this thing dey drive my wife crazy"!
Methinks love is found in the littlest gestures of life, the commitment to what keeps the other happy, the desire to please and be pleased, the pleasure found in each other's company, the everyday things we do, reflect the love in our hearts. If you truly and genuinely love, then everyday is an expression of the outpouring of the emotions you feel within. Another Val's day rolls by, and you do not feel the need to impress, to put on a show for cynical mockers (they know what you are on about, they know there is no love lost, but if you insist on putting on a show, they are game too). You know you love her deeply and she loves you too. You can escape the trap of the highly commercialized "valentinisation" of the entire universe, because you do not need one day of the year to send out a card, an SMS, make a phone call to say I love you! You don't need corny symbols to hold her, look deeply into her eyes and tell her how dizzy you are just gazing at her, because she makes your world go round.
Sincerely, I am not going to go the "touch a life" route! If you are not already routinely touching lives, then you need a quick trip down to Kuje prisons, before Rev. King is executed, for serious deliverance. If by all means, you want to make your Val's day a noble one by visiting orphanages, prisons, hospitals, etc, then more kudos to you. We however, all know that the family is the nucleus of the society. So many broken homes, marriages, relationships, so much baggage, so many scars! If we heal our homes, we can so easily begin to make steps towards healing our nation, our world!
So, inject all those little tiny things that make the world go round into your daily life with your loved ones! Show them you love them, don't mind the commercial monsters of this world, God has not set aside "One Day for Love". Make every day val's day in your life!
P.S: That is my Vallie's birthday, so we will be popping champagne and cutting up decadent Malteser's cake, family members only! :-)
If you had any plans on serenading me, please bring it on! I do know of one or two cars whose general demeanor would be greatly improved by me, sitting at the wheels!
Ciao'
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