Tedx Jabi: Determination, Drive, Discipline.

Ujuaku Akukwe: TEDx Jabi Licensee
Kicking off the event...

"How long are we going to be here mummy?" my daughter asked as we drove into the Sheraton Hotel and Towers venue of the TEDx Jabi.

"Maximum one and a half hours, I am just hear to listen to Sola Kuti and soon as he is done, we can leave," I replied.

We were not prepared for a long stay, we had a few other things to catch up with, I had an appointment for about an hour after the event was billed to start so we hoped it would be a quick one: in and out at the speed of light.

If wishes were horses...

DJ Fusion: Sierra Leonian wonder kid.
He built an entire radio station from scrap.

Listening to young DJ Fusion from Sierra Leone as the video of his talk at the TEDx Teen set the mood for the day, I snuck a peek at my ten-year-old daughter. She had been fiddling with her tablet and waiting for me to tire of the event so we could leave, she was engrossed with the video.

Almost at the edge of her seat, she watched with rapt attention as the 15-year-old spoke about how a found fame pursuing his hobby, building a radio station out of scrap.

That video was the perfect way to set the tone for the event as I had noticed in the hall, a row full of students from one or two schools in Abuja.

Ronke Bello: Head Sports Desk at Naij.com and
sports journalist. Nice outfit, can we kidnap your tailor please?

Ronke Bello, Head of Sports on Naij.com was the first speaker. Well, her bubbly personality was visible just under the edges of her presentation but was sadly stifled by nerves?!?!? Perhaps! Not a good way to follow up the brilliant video that he kicked off the event, perhaps she would have fared better as a mid way speaker?

Anyway the man whom I had come to hear speak, Sola Kuti, came on next and everyone perked up a little. His topic Good Governance: The Killer of Corruption, was guaranteed to tug at the heartstrings of every Nigerian seated in the hall.

Sola Kuti: His presentation was so on point, it needed
some cheesy Western music playing in the background.

Sola had the experience of being a one-time gubernatorial aspirant for Lagos State, as well as setting up small entrepreneurships in his day job as a Small Business Consultant. He was therefore able to expertly bring in a fresh perspective to the corruption dilemma in the Nigerian space, dissecting the issue and solutions from different angles that had the audience break into appreciative applause from time to time. I guess the killer punch for his presentation after he had clearly shown the difference between "corruption of need" and "corruption of greed" was, "If the government is serious about fighting corruption, then they would need to first eradicate poverty".

Simple!

My name is Kiki James and I am a misfit!
Re-inventing charity in Nigeria

Laila SMD: We must not all be entrepreneurs.
Some of us can find our purpose and fulfillment
in rendering complementary services to entrepreneurs

TEDx Jabi offered a wide and interesting array of motivating speakers. From Kiki James who spoke about the challenges in setting up a charity organisation and finding donors to help the poor, and the triumphs she found along the way; to Laila St. Mathew Daniel who encouraged attendees to "empower your weaknesses all the time and not your strengths because in your weaknesses lie your strength."

The roll call of speakers included the maverick Charly Boy (real name Charles Oputa and fondly called Area Fada) who closed the show with a big bang in his characteristic way; Buffy Okeke Ojiudu who expertly wove his presentation on "Understanding your Purpose", around the Lion King animated series; the immediate past minister for youth and sports development was also present and then... how do we talk about Sadiq Dambatta?

Sadiq Dambatta - Young. Determined
Driven. Disciplined. TripleD!

Young, spell-binding, witty and entertaining, this young man chose the theme for this year's TEDx Jabi for his keynote speech. Speaking on "Determination, Drive and Discipline", he assured all that it is in following your passion through to achievement, that you derive a satisfaction that cannot be quantified.

The verdict from most of us? Sadiq is Bae.

First standing ovation of TEDx Jabi 2015? Check!

The students from Aduvie College and Olumawu Schools were not to be left out. They put up drama sketches and expressed their thoughts in spoken word presentations that me wondering at a point how they could have amassed such deep perspectives at such young ages.

Another maverick Onyeka Nwelue walked on stage barefoot and apparently, without the permission of his village gods who promptly cut off the sound supply to his microphone and started flickering around with the lights.

Onyeka Nwelue: Whether you like it or
not, I am a University Professor without
a PhD

"Haba", he protested, "dem don follow me reach here?"

After Onyeka's village gods had been pacified and they restored his ability to use the microphones, he had the audience rolling in laughter with his presentation as he freestyled between English, his native Igbo and pidgin.

The Professor of Modern Languages and Cultures at the University of Hong Kong spoke about how he would tour the world - only 27 years old, he had visited most of the countries in the world - teaching for free. He closed his session by asking the audience what their passions were and what would they willingly do for free to make the world a better place.

At this point, you must have worked out that our planned "hit and run" turned out to be a "stay and bear witness", small wonder considering how rich and well packaged the event turned out to be. Arik Air who had thrown its corporate weight behind the event should be proud that it had contributed to the magnificent outing. One could not help but ask why the next edition of TEDx Jabi could not come a bit earlier.

So, aside from the little fact that the event had not adhered strictly to time, kicking off some ten minutes behind schedule; and the other tiny fact that my personal preference would have been for a punchier start (perhaps Laila SMD); TEDx Jabi was for me, an excellent way to spend an entire Saturday (that is if you do not have party jollof rice calling your name at a wedding or birthday party o - party jollof rice is bae).

And for my daughter, at some point during the event I turned to her and asked, "can we go home now?"

"Why?" She protested, "what are we going home to do? I am having fun here!"

Abi o! Lol.

As the 2015 edition of TEDx Jabi themed "Determination, Drive, Discipline" drew to a close, and the audience networked on their way out, I knew I would not have any problems persuading my daughter to accompany me to the next edition, she was already chomping at the bit for it.

Well done Ujuaku Akukwe, TEDx Jabi licensee.

Kudos Arik Air.

And big ups to all the panelists for making this a super awesome session.

PS: You can follow the hashtags #TedxJabi #DeterminationDriveDiscipline and #TripleD to follow loads of quick snippets from the event, and watch out for the videos on YouTube.

Networking at the event

Buffy Ojiudu - Simba knew WHO he was, but it
took the prompting and guidance of the wise old Rafiki for him
to discover his purpose. That was the drive he needed to succeed.

Onyeka Nwelue and John Bethuel Ezeugo: Self-taught guitarist
now a music coach and instrumentalist

Also at the event: Bolaji Abdullahi
Fmr. Minister of Sports and Youth Development

If you call me who I am not, I am not bothered.
You cannot determine my story - Charly Boy

Making new friends

Meeting new people

When you lose the right to be different, you lose
the privilege to be free - Charly Boy

First he took a picture OF the audience, then
a selfie WITH the audience - Charly Boy.

More faces from #TEDxJabi

Sola Kuti, Ujuaku Akukwe and a guest at TEDxJabi

Diet killers...

Hands up ladies on a diet...

Hands up ladies on a diet who have friends working hard behind the scenes and right up there in your face to sabotage the diet...

If all you have are "supportive" friends who ooh and aah at every nano inch you lose; and pass the cardboard cookies just as you are about to reach for that decadent slice of red velvet cake, then sorry love, you are not on a diet.

You are not on a diet until you have had that truly concerned friend who keeps pushing you to take one extra shaki, eat an extra slice of cake, have an extra scoop of ice cream...

She urges you on to eat and drink and be merry after all, "no one knows tomorrow".

She is the first to hold your hand when you climb on the scales and to your shocked dismay, the scale "broke up" and is now maliciously adding on the kilos.

She will comfort you and assure you that all these diets do not work anyway, better be fat and happy than skinny and miserable.

"But I want to be skinny. I will determine my mood when I get skinny but for now, can't I just squeeze into a wardrobe full of size 16s if I want?"

"But you know you don't have willpower na," she reminds you. That other time you were trying to lose weight on GNLD, you failed.

Tianshi was a woe.

FLP was just plain awful.

Edmack? Pshawwww...

And so you believe her and tell people, "I am happy the way I am. I am fun sized and gorgeous, not every one has to be skinny, the key is to be healthy."

You see, you have never really dieted, until you are Dying Inside Eating Trash, with the equally "big boned" accomplice urging you on to eat more.

So one day, you walk into your burial ground of dreams - different shades and boxes of "wonder diets" that left your bank account wondering who brainwashed you; clothes you bought because you were "going to be serious about losing weight this one time and would fit into a size zero from size 26 in a split second"; and memories of you and your friend stuffing your faces and clowning for the camera.

Then it dawns on you - you don't really want to lose weight do you?

Your fat is a convenient crutch or else, you know what to do.

So you stand up and hobble slowly over to the mirror. You take off all your clothes and pinch a handful of belly blubber - you don't "pinch" actually, your hands are full and overflowing - and you say to yourself, "never again".

The fad diets...

The binge sessions...

The living in denial...

The not so friendly friends...

Success has so many strange bedfellows, but fat suffers from separation anxiety.

Three months down the line and as many dress sizes down and still shrinking, you are happier and healthier... the clothes fit better.

Your friend bumps into you after a long while of deliberate avoidance (on your part).

"Hah! Seems like you lost a looooooot of weight o".

She "hahs" some more when you tell her exactly how much you have shed in the past ninety days and then just as expected, she goes: "But I trust you, you do not have willpower. You will soon fall off the wagon and start eating everything in sight".

Expected, but it still stings anyway.

She of all people, should have understood. You turn and walk a few steps away from her, then turn back and watch as she waddles away.

Fat is a miserable loner. And when it feels kindred spirits drift away, it suffers from terrible, debilitating, separation anxiety.

You wait a few hours and just before you go to bed, you place a call across to her.

"Hi babe, would you like me to send across the meal and exercise plan I used to shed the weight? I miss our friendship and if you like, we can do this together".

The silence from the other end lingers for just one nano second too long and then if you had blinked, you would have missed the whispered, teary response:

"Yes. Yes please".

Something fishy...

Erm, weight loss things.

Don't know where to file this under so I gues I would just go with "those things you think would tast really yucky until you eat them and discover they are somehow "yum".

Fish (doesn't have to look as sexy as mine)
Pepper (about 2 medium sized balls)
Onion (One medium bulb)
Salt (about 1/8th of a teaspoon)
Cabbage
Beetroot.

Blend your pepper (as much as you can stand really), and onion together, mix in a little bowl with the salt.

With a sharp knife - who am I kidding, even a blunt knife will do the job - make two or three horizontal cuts across the fish on both sides. Just score the fish until knife almost meets bone on both sides.

Rub in your pepper, onion and salt paste, ensure the fish is well coated with it, stuff in the cuts you scored on the fish, stuff the gills, then rub any left over mix all over the fish.

Place in a pot on the fire on very low heat, rinse out your pepper plate with about a quarter cup of water and pour into the fish. Cover and allow to simmer on one side for five minutes, then flip over to the other side and simmer for another five minutes.

(We are Nigerians, we cook our fish to "done". In normal English, that means we cook it to stupor and until the fish shouts out for help).

Okay, ten minutes cooking time altogether, the fish should be well cooked through, take the pot off the heat and set aside. What were you doing during the ten minutes cooking time? You were keeping up with the Kardashians?

Tsk, tsk...

This is what you ought to have been doing: grating or thinly shredding your cabbage and beetroot.

Arrange the shredded vegetables on a plate and place your fish on it.

Voila...

See, you didn't need too many eengrejens and it still came out tasting fab. Na so. Diet food does not have to taste like cardboard paper to be effective.

Okay o, tuck in and enjoy!

Bon apetit!

Crimson death

It was an ordinary day the day she died, a day like every other.

Maybe if she had known she would die that day, she would have woken up a bit earlier so she could have enough time to drink ijebu garri with sugar and ice cold water. She loved ijebu garri.

She was just 11 years old, it was just 10.30 am by the clock in the parlor, she had just had breakfast of akamu and akara and she knew that if she asked mummy for ijebu garri, she would look up from her laptop where she was always tap, tap, tapping away and say

"No"

"But mummy I am hungry"

"You just ate"

"But I am really, really hungry"

"You have worms, I will deworm you tomorrow"

*sigh*

She wanted to go to heaven so she was going to die like Jesus. She lay down on the bed spread-eagled, then tried to pull up her knees a little bit in the "Jesus" pose.

Very uncomfortable.

How did Jesus manage it? Anyway, he did not have a choice, she did and this was a very uncomfortable pose. She quickly adjusted herself, "let me make myself comfortable before I die here o. Oh wait, I am dying already. Let me just adjust myself and get used to it, mummy said we should be like Jesus so we can go to heaven when we die".

The door creaked open and her mom peered in.

"Uloma, why are you lying down like that?"

"Mummy, I am dying."

"Oh my baby, what is it?"

Mummy ran in, held her close and rocked her back and forth.

She reached down and showed mummy the crotch of her white panties soaked in bright red blood.

And mummy broke into relieved laughter and hugged her closer.

Chicken soup for the lazy soul...

Ah hah!

I found this picture and remembered my extremely couch-worthy chicken soup recipe...

A real hoof stirrer if there ever was one!

How did I stumble on this recipe?

1. I was home alone (interpreted as "no small madam making extremely complicated food requests").
2. I was hungry.
3. I was not in the mood to switch on the gas and bring out pots.
4. I was hungry!
5. I had chicken.

See ehn, chicken is a life saver. Whatever else you choose not to have at home, just make sure you have chicken ehn? You will remember this advice and thank me the day you wake up by 12 midnight with an attack of the snackies, open your freezer and all you have there is...

.

.

.

.

Chicken!!!!!

Chicken of laive!

Okay o, over to the recipe...

Open your freezer (how else were you going to get the chicken? Duhhh!), and grab your chicken.

Throw said chicken into a bowl that can sit for at least ten minutes in the microwave without blowing into smithereens or melting into a pool of chicken plus plastic warreva.

Rinse the chicken.

Sprinkle on salt (to taste), pepper (to taste) and any other fresh or dried herbs and seasoning of your choice.

Slice all of a medium onion bulb into the bowl.

Stir to mix in the seasonings, add about a quarter cup of water and pop into the microwave for 5 minutes.

When your microwave 💡, open and turn the chicken over to let the other side cook. Return and cook for another 5 minutes, add some more water if needed.

Remember we are cooking from frozen, so you need all that time to ensure you are not eating raw chicken - salmonella and all that jazz!

When your microwave 🚨again, if you have chopped veggies, throw them on the chicken, mix in well and cook for 3 - 5 minutes.

Remove.

Eat.

Enjoy.

Yeah, yeah... microwave!

#OkayBye...

Whose party is it anyway?

Last week, small madam was invited to a birthday party.

I am a "drop and run" or "stick strictly to invitations" person so I crosschecked the invite to see that SHE alone was invited, packed her swimming trunks as instructed and zoomed off to the venue.

Getting there, I saw a number of parents seated around the pool and a number of carers and minders too, some of whom knew her and me from school so I handed her over to them and zoomed.

Cut to pick up time, as I was leaving from drop off - the parent of the celebrant had asked me to take my time and come back whenever I could. If they were not poolside, they would be back home - so I drove to their house about an hour after the time stated on the card for pick up.

As the little girl walked small madam out to the car, she stopped and said to me:

"I did not enjoy my party".

Oh no, I thought and turned to her, "why? What happened?"

"The adults were the ones having all the fun. They just left us in the pool and gave us a little bit of snacks and some juice then they were just drinking and eating meat and dancing."

"Awwwwwww. So sorry to hear that," I replied, "but I hope you still enjoyed yourself with your friends?"

At this point, the poor girl was almost in years...

"I did not. I did not enjoy my own party. All the time I have been dreaming of my tenth birthday party, this was not what I wanted it to be like."

Oh dear!

Her mummy was still at "her daughter's birthday party", so I did my best to comfort the little girl. She was not finding it funny at all.

As I left and made a mental note to discuss it with her mummy, I paused and thought a little.

Back then, I used to throw "birthday parties" for my daughter where my friends and I had all the fun, sometimes at the expense of the celebrant and her friends. All those clowns and MCs that would make the little ones entertain the guests with all sorts of games.

I think it was at her fifth birthday that I suddenly came to the realisation that the celebrant was not deriving any benefits from the elaborate parties where we would rent canopies and buy choice wines and set out a spread of exotic food - they didn't know and therefore, just didn't care.

We were throwing all those parties for ourselves and our friends and using the poor kids as a front.

Honestly, if I could re write the criminal code, I would write in hosting a party for your friends and using your kid's birthday as a front, as child abuse. Punishable under section whorreva subsection warreva with some Zamfara styles lashings of the cane.

Anyway, when I came to that realisation, I started asking small madam a few months to her birthday the simple question: "how would you like to celebrate your birthday this year", and the answer ALWAYS amazed me...

Always.

For her 6th, she wanted a class party.
For her 7th, she wanted a house party with her cousins and friends in the estate.
For her 8th, she wanted a house party with a carefully picked list of 10 friends.
For her 9th, she wanted dinner in a Chinese restaurant with a few friends.
For her 10th, she wanted to see the movies with about 15 of her friends...

Two things played out for me while we walked through this process of giving the child the birthday SHE wanted:

1. At no point in time did she choose to have a party in a park with bouncy castles and obnoxious clowns and 700 adults she does not know plus 400 children some of whom she knew vaguely with foods she would probably taste and spit out...

2. As a direct consequence of 1 above, my pocket has gladly gone along with all her requests without groaning and grumbling and having to be coaxed along.

And in the course of (1) and (2) above, I also realised that the child was carefully picking experiences that mattered to her. She was sharing the memories of her birthdays building new memories that made a lot of meaning to her, experiences she could look back on and relate with.

My heart went out to the little girl whose party was hijacked by adults...

We are all guilty of it aren't we?

Parents living vicariously through their children.

Thank God for the economy which seems completely disinterested in favouring anyhow spending. Chopping money anyhow because the thing full everywhere dey troway.

Maybe, just maybe, we can find other reasons to hang out with our friends and do whatever it is we would like to do with them and leave the kids to create birthday experiences that would make meaning.

Maybe!