Sunday 21 July 2013

Down the lane..

*sigh*

Watching the young girls contort themelves into every shape imaginable under the sun, I could not help the sigh that escaped from my lips!

*free education alert* - sigh = hmmmmmmm; hiss = mtchewwwww!

And no, my sigh was not borne of any jealous or envious desire to contort my bulk so willfully. My sigh bothered on amazement and a little bit of disgust thrown in for good measure. The girls all fell within the age bracket of 5 -10 (who else has noticed that from 10, our smallies have started forming "bigz gials" for us and find the art of dancing in parties extremely childish)? The girls were also dancing to some sort of music, the likes of which I am highly reluctant to class under rock, pop, funk, r&b, minor erotica or highlife.

For want of a better moniker, I will call the music "rofuarrrohipop"!

The jerky movements were reminiscent of someone going into an epileptic fit. Now they would crouch down and at the command of the unseen wailer, *sigh*, they would jump up and reach their hands "up to the skayi, to the skayi". Sincerely, I promise you, that was the only phrase in that song that made meaning to me. The rest either sounded like some form of gibberish, or else there was some sort of falsehood stated on my birth certificate as my tired old ears felt like they belonged in another century long past and were unwilling participants in this audio visual time travel my eyes had chosen to embark on.

Now the dancers lean forward and stick out their underdeveloped bakkasis and begin to wind them furiously. Now they combine some weird looking arm, hand, shoulders and leg movement, I fear for the mental health of their knee and ankle joints. *double sigh*. Since one of these eager contortionists is my very own small madam, I resolve to look on the bright side since she is getting some sort of exercise out of this after all and the benefits to me would be a temporary reduction in her current rapacious, voracious appetite, an early bedtime after a warm bath and an assurance that she would sleep as soundly as you may wish.

Still, I could not help taking a brief trip down memory lane and reliving those days when music was music and you were made a star, not by noting how many eardrums were pierced by the cacophony of decibel defying sounds you could produce from your drum set, or how many nude or near nude ladies could be found contorting in your music videos;  not by how close your music videos could flirt with porn without actually being labeled as such; or how high any of the male lead vocals could jump and scream while ensuring they were as fully clothed as eskimos in the deepest reaches of Alaska, while fondling and admiring suspicious looking girls looking like they wandered into the wrong set on their way to shoot a hollywood beach scene.

Those were the days when we had an 80 leaves notebook reserved for penning down the lyrics of our most cherished songs which we eventually learnt by heart and entertained our selves with singing them when the fancy caught us.

Ah, I remember with nostalgic feelings, Phil Collins, Lionel Richie, Michael Bolton, Boys to Men, Onyeka Onwenu, Christie Essien, Felix Lebarty (The lover boy), Mandy Brown, Abami Eda himself, etc...

Of course, there were those who still hammered out gibberish in tune to music, but back then, they were the exception, rather than the rule.

Today, attempt to write out lyrics to songs by some of our homegrown artistes and half way through, you would begin to wonder at what point you missed the program!

Chances are, it would sound either like the lyrics to an adult multiple x rated hard core movie, or it would sound something like...

"Emerememe dancy alingo. E e yah"

"Something something something ua goody bag o"

"Poropotom kpom kpom, awusha awusha"

I recall a couple of years back at a friend's housewarming party, we had gotten into the thick of the party when suddenly, my daughter walked up to me and asked,

"Mummy, what is the meaning of poropotom, ashawo".

I blushed a deep aubergine, well red is unlikely as I am milk chocolate toned, and directed her to the house warmer since she owned the house, was playing the music and should therefore strategically  advantaged to explain better than I could, what those lyrics meant. I also resolved silently then, that however interesting or rave of the moment the music was, when in my company, my daughter would only listen to good wholesome gospel music, or only those secular music I would not be ashamed to explain the lyrics to. The worst for me are the songs crooned by my ethnic brazzer aka "flavour tonight!"

Unfortunately, by dint of association, some of the music and dance steps still filter past the sensors and get embedded in her impressionable young mind and she sees her mates digging it out on the dance floor, knows she can probably best them at it and jumps up to prove it. Poor old mummy, otherwise known as "Le Moi" on the other hand, cringes at the very suggestive natures of the dance steps and trying not to be a spoil sport, lets her dance it out and then holds the all Important pre sleep jaw jaw on the pros and cons, the whys and wheretofores of waist winding dances.

Seriously mothers, are the lyrics of the songs our children sing and dance along to something we would feel proud if they stepped out in a sitting room full of our peers and proceeded to recite? If you cringe at the thought of it, then they probably should not be listening to it.

The dances they watch on the tv and proceed to mimic at parties and events, are they dances we can proudly beat our chest and affirm to have not only been taught by us, but is indicative of how good our musical ears are and how nimble dancers can be traced back far way back in our lineage?

Would we feel exceedingly proud if our daughters dressed the way some of their idols dress in the music videos? Do we actually give thought to the fact that like the sponge, their brains are soaking up all that they see, the eye still being the gateway to the mind?

Have we considered the fact that these music videos objectify and sexify womanhood and reduced them to little more than quivering bottoms and jiggling waists? Do we really want our daughters to grow up believing that where dressing is concerned, the less you can find to put on, the more attractive you appear to the opposite sex who in the meantime, are permitted to cover every inch of their bodies, down to heavy socks and shoes, hoods and hats covering the heads, gloves on the hands, etc! Or would we feel accomplished when we raise sons who view women as sex objects to be pawed and mauled over and discarded as soon as a more daringly dressed one walks past our line of vision?

Little wonder at the rising rate of child rape and molestation by fellow children (in some instances, even siblings), and the lax attitude to morality that is evident whichever way we turn.

We have complained enough about how the present generation of teenagers and twenty somethings have gone to the dogs in thoughts, words and deeds and yet daily, we subconsciously train those that would take over from them in attaining deeper levels of moral decadence.

Let us resolve in this speed of light paced world we find ourselves in, to watch a little more closely, activities our children are engaged in. What do they listen to? What are they reading? What do they watch? Whom are they associating with? What family values do their associations have? If they are still at the age where as Africans you can step in and reshape, remould and restrict in order to redirect, have no shame or fears in doing that. If they have however grown past that age but are still within your sphere of influence, utilise it wisely - have a sit down discussion to reassess values and pray... a lot!

*dragging my weary bones off to bed*, *old fuddy duddy like me*

P.S: Just for fun, which song takes you the furthest down memory lane? Can you remember the lyrics to it? If yes, please share!
       Which present day song gets your goat the most? You may not want to mention the artist's name, but you can hum the most irritating, with a word or two thrown as a clue.

Thursday 4 July 2013

The gift that keeps on giving

It was obviously a "guy's" room. Clothes were scattered all over the floor and hung from every possible appendage in the room. The bed was unmade and from the looks of it, the last time it had ever heard the word make, was when the carpenter said to his apprentice, "Let us make a bed"!

The stench from the ensuite toilet was overwhelming and when I dared to open the door and peep inside, I could feel the jellof rice of two christmases ago begin to rush up into my throat. I stifled a grimace, slowly backed out of the room and stood outside to wait.

Since I had walked in barefoot, I felt it was prudent to wipe my feet before introducing them back into my slip ons. When I lifted said feet, the gunk that had accumulated under was enough to plaster a modest two bedroom bungalow in the heart of Abuja.

I shook my head sadly and sat on a seat in the parlor and proceeded to wait. Minutes later, the dashing young man stepped out of his room and he was every ladies' dream. Tall, dashing, debonair! Even chocolatey complexion, nice sputes, well polished shoes, perfectly scented. It didnt matter that the only car he could boast of was a trekedese benz, he was every woman's dreamboat. You would pick him over and over again if given the choice.

Well people, that was not a fable, but a real life incident.

It is a sorry fact that more often, we concentrate on "training" our daughters on how to wait hand and feet on the man and forget that, especially in these present days, a man also needs to be able to cater for himself and keep house and self clean without relying on a long string of ever present girl friends, each striving to prove to him that they were "properly trained", and therefore "good wife material",  to maintain some semblance of dignity.

In my dating days, the instant deal breaker was the condition of the guy's room/house. It was more important to me than materialistic achievements or physical appearances.

I can actually recall a friend whose 10 year old daughter would stand on a stool and get faithful instructions on how to cook soup and became such an expert at things of the house you sometimes could not tell when her mother had an input and when she did not. Her 12 year old son on the other hand, was permitted to lounge, play video games non stop, run lousy commentaries on Africa Magic movies, in fact, he was being properly groomed on being a future lout and bore.

It sounds a bit idealistic, but I suspect that most mothers-in-law would have less frequent friction with their daughters-in-law if they concentrated a bit on also giving their sons proper home training. The understanding that there is no house chore that is the biological prerogative of any sex. Come to think of it, when we refer back to our first model union of a man and wife in the bible - Adam and Eve- no where does it say that the woman had to practically work herself to death to keep the man happy while he lounges about doing nothing.

But again, this is not about how a marriage is run, but how an adult individual comports themselves.

Mothers, can your sons cook? Wash clothes without the aid of a washing machine? Sweep and mop the house? Keep their rooms tidy? Wash and keep their toilets clean? Sew on a loose button? Can they actually connect with their feminine sides without lapsing into sissies?

Give your future daughters in law the gift that keeps on giving, a properly brought up man with good "home training". Nothing stokes the fires of marital discord more than a woman who has to pick up clothes strewn all over the house by Oga who cannot understand the simple logic behind laundry baskets; waking up in the morning to discover that after a late night attack of the snackies, oga could neither clear up the table of crumbs (cockroach alert), nor wash up the mug or whatever else was involved in curing the snack attack! I had a friend whose pet peeve was that she had to flush the toilet after her husband had done a number two.

Such was the extent of his laziness!

It becomes even more imperative now that ladies not only work, but in most cases are the principal bread winners of the home. In order to prove they have not become "pompous" and "arrogant", they end up returning from work, to start facing the hassles of running the home. Get up an hour or two earlier so they can fit in some of what needs to be done before they leave the house. Oga on the other hand who holds down similar jobs, gets up 35 minutes before he has to leave the house. Poopoos, brushes his teeth, shaves and showers, dresses up and exits the house until when he has to return, eat, release an obligatory fart, and go straight to bed!

Really ladies, let us do us all and the future world a favor and train our sons in the basics of being a human being first. Let them spend time with their fathers to imbibe some of the qualities required of a man, then gently return them to your faithful instruction of how to be in touch with their feminine sides and how to be an independent adult!

Some of our ten year old girls today can actually survive a one month live alone experience than some thirty year old men!

The craziest part? Mainly in Nigeria!

I remember a trip to London in 2006, staying at my aunty's house in London and watching her then nine year old son let himself out of the house on his way to school. His mum was not yet back from work and would just come in to bathe and head out to her second job, his dad held down a regular 9-5 and would leave the house around 8am while his twin sisters would also leave earlier for their schools. He would let himself back in around 3:30 and proceed to warm up his lunch. Eat, and face his chores for the day. By the time some of his family members started returning around 5pm, he was already settling in to his homework and you would never have guessed there was no adult providing support during the hours he was home alone.

I have always maintained that the average 10 year old raised in the western world, had a significantly higher level of maturity than their Nigerian counterpart, almost double! Of course, that has its good and bad sides too!

So mothers, do us all a favor and start early and make it all inclusive. Let the boys stand by you while you teach the girl how to cook and clean and tidy up the house.  If you have just boys or a boy, do not wait until you have a girl to commence your instructions, let them all learn!

The happiest beneficiary from the early start would be not just the boy who finds it easier to keep himself organised in the blink of an eye, but your future daughter in law who would have received a pleasant gift that keeps on giving!