The gift that keeps on giving

It was obviously a "guy's" room. Clothes were scattered all over the floor and hung from every possible appendage in the room. The bed was unmade and from the looks of it, the last time it had ever heard the word make, was when the carpenter said to his apprentice, "Let us make a bed"!

The stench from the ensuite toilet was overwhelming and when I dared to open the door and peep inside, I could feel the jellof rice of two christmases ago begin to rush up into my throat. I stifled a grimace, slowly backed out of the room and stood outside to wait.

Since I had walked in barefoot, I felt it was prudent to wipe my feet before introducing them back into my slip ons. When I lifted said feet, the gunk that had accumulated under was enough to plaster a modest two bedroom bungalow in the heart of Abuja.

I shook my head sadly and sat on a seat in the parlor and proceeded to wait. Minutes later, the dashing young man stepped out of his room and he was every ladies' dream. Tall, dashing, debonair! Even chocolatey complexion, nice sputes, well polished shoes, perfectly scented. It didnt matter that the only car he could boast of was a trekedese benz, he was every woman's dreamboat. You would pick him over and over again if given the choice.

Well people, that was not a fable, but a real life incident.

It is a sorry fact that more often, we concentrate on "training" our daughters on how to wait hand and feet on the man and forget that, especially in these present days, a man also needs to be able to cater for himself and keep house and self clean without relying on a long string of ever present girl friends, each striving to prove to him that they were "properly trained", and therefore "good wife material",  to maintain some semblance of dignity.

In my dating days, the instant deal breaker was the condition of the guy's room/house. It was more important to me than materialistic achievements or physical appearances.

I can actually recall a friend whose 10 year old daughter would stand on a stool and get faithful instructions on how to cook soup and became such an expert at things of the house you sometimes could not tell when her mother had an input and when she did not. Her 12 year old son on the other hand, was permitted to lounge, play video games non stop, run lousy commentaries on Africa Magic movies, in fact, he was being properly groomed on being a future lout and bore.

It sounds a bit idealistic, but I suspect that most mothers-in-law would have less frequent friction with their daughters-in-law if they concentrated a bit on also giving their sons proper home training. The understanding that there is no house chore that is the biological prerogative of any sex. Come to think of it, when we refer back to our first model union of a man and wife in the bible - Adam and Eve- no where does it say that the woman had to practically work herself to death to keep the man happy while he lounges about doing nothing.

But again, this is not about how a marriage is run, but how an adult individual comports themselves.

Mothers, can your sons cook? Wash clothes without the aid of a washing machine? Sweep and mop the house? Keep their rooms tidy? Wash and keep their toilets clean? Sew on a loose button? Can they actually connect with their feminine sides without lapsing into sissies?

Give your future daughters in law the gift that keeps on giving, a properly brought up man with good "home training". Nothing stokes the fires of marital discord more than a woman who has to pick up clothes strewn all over the house by Oga who cannot understand the simple logic behind laundry baskets; waking up in the morning to discover that after a late night attack of the snackies, oga could neither clear up the table of crumbs (cockroach alert), nor wash up the mug or whatever else was involved in curing the snack attack! I had a friend whose pet peeve was that she had to flush the toilet after her husband had done a number two.

Such was the extent of his laziness!

It becomes even more imperative now that ladies not only work, but in most cases are the principal bread winners of the home. In order to prove they have not become "pompous" and "arrogant", they end up returning from work, to start facing the hassles of running the home. Get up an hour or two earlier so they can fit in some of what needs to be done before they leave the house. Oga on the other hand who holds down similar jobs, gets up 35 minutes before he has to leave the house. Poopoos, brushes his teeth, shaves and showers, dresses up and exits the house until when he has to return, eat, release an obligatory fart, and go straight to bed!

Really ladies, let us do us all and the future world a favor and train our sons in the basics of being a human being first. Let them spend time with their fathers to imbibe some of the qualities required of a man, then gently return them to your faithful instruction of how to be in touch with their feminine sides and how to be an independent adult!

Some of our ten year old girls today can actually survive a one month live alone experience than some thirty year old men!

The craziest part? Mainly in Nigeria!

I remember a trip to London in 2006, staying at my aunty's house in London and watching her then nine year old son let himself out of the house on his way to school. His mum was not yet back from work and would just come in to bathe and head out to her second job, his dad held down a regular 9-5 and would leave the house around 8am while his twin sisters would also leave earlier for their schools. He would let himself back in around 3:30 and proceed to warm up his lunch. Eat, and face his chores for the day. By the time some of his family members started returning around 5pm, he was already settling in to his homework and you would never have guessed there was no adult providing support during the hours he was home alone.

I have always maintained that the average 10 year old raised in the western world, had a significantly higher level of maturity than their Nigerian counterpart, almost double! Of course, that has its good and bad sides too!

So mothers, do us all a favor and start early and make it all inclusive. Let the boys stand by you while you teach the girl how to cook and clean and tidy up the house.  If you have just boys or a boy, do not wait until you have a girl to commence your instructions, let them all learn!

The happiest beneficiary from the early start would be not just the boy who finds it easier to keep himself organised in the blink of an eye, but your future daughter in law who would have received a pleasant gift that keeps on giving!