One For The Road...

"Do you, Xaviera, take this man, Jacob, to be your lawful wedded husband, to love, honor and cherish him through sickness and in health, through times of happiness and travail, until death do you part? 

"I do"

Vivi's mind drifted off and the rest of the ceremony passed as in a haze. Suddenly, the words she had been waiting all her life for...

"You may now kiss the bride"

As Jake released her waist where he had placed his hand proprietorially, in defiance of anyone's opinions from the very first moment she walked down the aisle to him; as he slowly lifted the veil he had insisted she wear in spite of all her protests; she began a long slow exhale.

She continued exhaling as he lowered his head to hers, she knew he was an extremely passionate man and even though her mind was doing cartwheels, her body remained frozen as she waited, anticipating. Just before his lips made contact, she deeply inhaled and was immediately lost in the passion of the moment.

He ignored the fact that they were in church, in the presence of the priest and tons of friends and well wishers who had gathered to witness this joyous day as he proceeded to titillate her senses with promises of what was to come.

The catcalls and wolf whistles, the riotous applause, people climbing on the pews to get a better look, flashes as everyone suddenly turned paparazzi to capture this one moment of unbridled passion, this open display of love and devotion, all passed unnoticed as firmly but gently, Jake ensured he thoroughly kissed his bride.

As he finally let her go, he clutched her to his chest for one moment, more to shield her as she had streams of tears running down her face and ruining the expertly applied make up, then handing her over to the maid of honor, he turned to the loudest section of the audience where his friends were making their presence felt and noticed and slowly, took a bow. The church erupted and it took the officiating minister over 10 minutes to restore order.

Seizing the moment, Vivi, whose heart kept hammering as though it sought escape from her body had, with the help of her maid of honor, expertly touched up her make up and  managed to maintain and regain some of her trademark composed facade. The joy coursing through her body, radiated on her face and gave her an almost other worldly look.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to introduce to you for the very first time, the newly joined: Mr and Mrs Udoh"

Since he had seen first hand how rambunctious this crowd could be, as he spoke the words, the officiating minister deftly stood aside and began walking backwards to his vestry as the congregation thronged the couple. There were hugs, kisses, tears, backslapping, catcalls... this crowd was happy to be alive and happy to be here and were determined to show it loud and clear.

========================================================================

Photographs - check
Wedding reception - check
Wedding dance - check
Cutting of the cake - check
Feeding each other - check
Presentation of gifts - check
Toasts and speeches - check
Tossing of the bouquet - check
Running off into the stretch limo - check

Aside from the unexpected well of emotions at the church service, Vivi had maintained her composure. There were no more tears and she had luxuriated and enjoyed every moment of her day. Jake had ensured she had a jolly good time. He was never too far from her and even when the surge of friends had somehow carried them apart almost to the different ends of the hall, she could always feel the warmth of his eyes on her. Whenever she made eye contact, he slowly winked. Whenever she was close enough, his hand was always on her waist or the small of her back. He was always leaning in for a kiss here, a peck there. Gawd he loved this lady, he had landed a jackpot all in one and he was determined to let the whole world know.

Once in the limo, she had quickly changed into her get away clothes and relaxed to await the surprise Jake had kept insinuating was in stock for her today.

Suddenly, he was on his knees in front of her, took both of her hands in his and looked into her eyes.

"My Love, My wife! Today, you have made me the happiest man in the entire universe. You are for me a dream come true, all my life I have prayed and hoped for a woman just like you. I still don't know what I have done to deserve you at the point of almost giving up, but I know that I am devoted to making everyday worth the while for as long as we both shall live. There will be good days and bad, there will be ups and downs, we may not always agree, but I promise, I will never let you go. You are my heartbeat and for as long as my heart beats, I promise to stay true to you!"

As the tears filled her eyes, he pulled himself into the seat beside her, clutched her close to him and rocked her gently back and forth.

As Vivi's mind traveled into the past, just two short years ago, she smiled at their first encounter and how she had almost let this one go...

========================================================================

As Vivi nursed a steaming cup of hot coffee at the Hammersmith Station, she was oblivious to the fact that tears were coursing down her face. In part due to the cold, in part due to the shock she had just experienced, she was entirely numb and unfeeling.

She had heard him calling her as she walked briskly down Iffley Road and had broken into a light jog. Rather than go through the Main Street, she had darted under the bridge to the King's mall and promptly gotten herself mixed up among the throng of shoppers flocking in and out of the malls, all the while, keeping a wary eye out for him.

She had traveled all the way from Nigeria to meet Chuks,well, maybe not just to meet him, but since she was around and had added on a few days from her vacation to her trainingschedule, she had decided to track him down. Somehow, in the past three months, he had grown more and more distant, ignoring her calls and messages, showing up once in a while with a mouth full of excuses and hell bent on getting one thing and one thing only. It had been frustrating and she had run a gamut of emotions but the worst part for her had been the mind games.

Whenever he remembered to call her or had taken one of her calls, he would pick offence at the slightest provocation, claim an overflow of emotions and drop the phone on her, pleading he needed time to sort his riotous emotions out. Her head would jump in and immediately begin to advise her on how to effectively be the bigger person and end the relationship, but her heart, o treacherous heart, would convince her to just hang in there and understand with "all he was going through".

He had suddenly shown up one day and announced that he needed to get back to London to "sort out a few things". As usual, he had finagled a fast fuck out of her on her living room rug (that was another thing that bothered her about their relationship, he could never be bothered to woo her properly or even lead her into the bedroom). It was always "wham-bam", he would help her up from the rug, plant a kiss on her forehead, zip up and would be gone like a flash in the dark until whenever he felt the urge for her again.

This time, he was even faster than usual and went mechanically about his business, not even bothering or noticing if she was ready, his mind obviously elsewhere. Done, he stood up, zipped up and focused on his Blackberry, responding furiously as the phone pinged away! After a few minutes, she had rolled over, stood up, adjusted her dress and moved into the adjoining bedroom where she sat with her head in her palms, wondering what had just happened.

She was jolted back to the present by his sudden appearance in the room. He dropped a kiss on her forehead, pulled her to her feet, hugged her tight and requested she opened the door to let him out. She had moved like a zombie and after he left, dropped back to the bed and lay cuddled up in the fetal position until she dropped into an uneasy sleep.

Well, here she was in London. He had been a bit more frequent with his calls since arriving London, but evaded any personal questions and got off the line as quickly as he possibly could. She was not one to leave any stone un turned and had come prepared to talk this relationship through and map out a way forward. What she was not prepared for was what she saw when she knocked on the door...

She had vaguely remembered him mention Number 75 Iffley Road while on a telephone conversation with a friend and had purposely not informed him she would be in London. Two days and she was done with the training. At six am on Friday morning, she steeled herself and set off for Hammersmith, an area she was slightly familiar with.

As she hit the knocker twice on the door, she heard the scurry of little feet and then a soft thump on the door at about shin height  How cute, she thought, he has a dog. As she knocked again, the door opened and she stared into the bluest pair of eyes she had ever come across in the universe.

"Sorry," the lady muttered breathlessly, "Adrian is always quick to get the door".

She looked down and noticed a dark skinned boy of about two with extremely curly hair, happily nattering away.

As she looked up at the white woman staring questioningly back at her, she saw a pair of slipper clad feet descending the staircase, bringing into view Chuks!

"Hey Chels, who is....." his voice spluttered into nothingness as he saw her.

She could see in the hallway, framed pictures of him and Chelsea, each alone, together, with three kids the eldest not more than six. Obviously, he was home.

Impulsively, she said the first thing that came into her mind, "Does Mr. Blenkinsop stay here?"

"Oh no Darling, you have a wrong address" replied Chelsea while Chuks stood with his mouth open.

"Oh, my bad. Sorry for the bother".

She pivoted on her heels and turned back up Iffley road and ten minutes later, heard him call out her name.

She ran.

As she recollected her thoughts, she saw a hand holding out an handkerchief to her:

"Go on Angel, a pretty lady like you should not be sitting alone crying, whatever the circumstances"

She looked into the eyes of the man standing in front of her. Tall, light skinned (but obviously African), a sole diamond glittered in his ear. As he came into focus and placed the handkerchief in her hand, she jerked back and split some of the coffee down her coat. She snatched the handkerchief and wiping herself down, turned for the door.

"Hey...!"

She ignored him and walked briskly down into the train station, ignoring the call from behind her. As she walked down the steps, her train pulled into the station and she walked through the nearest door and through several coaches before settling in one that was almost full to capacity. She needed the distraction of other commuters to drown out the privacy of her thoughts.

========================================================================

Sunday morning, she got up bright and early and began to plan her day.

Having collapsed into bed on Friday and remained there until today, she thought a little bit of retail therapy could serve to soothe her frazzled nerves and prepared herself for the trip to the Liverpool street market.

As usual, when she needed to clear her head, she thought in gutter pidgin.

"Today na to chop all the money wey dey my hand o. After that yeye skrobbo don chop everytin wey de my body finish. Useless obote gorilla  Chai, na wa for dis kain life o! How person wey get wife and many many pikin dem go dey lie put lef', rait and center. Im dey even ma wan mak I introduce am gee all my friends, my family, everybodi. If hin see me wit man, him go dey form annoyance. Ewu gambia"

She walked up to the mirror and looked at herself critically, pointing a finger at herself, she continued...

"Your mates na goat, you, you be ewu. Original ewu awusa, proper ewu gambia. So na so any man wey come near you, you go de gee am chop ba? See wetin u do urself? You even kukuma sef carry youa dead bodi come meet man all the way for ofesi, man wey no send you. You better learn youa lesson now, useless old woman"

Her thoughts swung back to Chuks and she began to curse him out roundly. She had a mouth like a drunken sailor, but only her closest friends knew about that side of her. To everyone else, she presented the highly polished public veneer, the cool lady exterior, the classy and high class genteel persona.

========================================================================

As she strolled down Petticoat Lane some hours later, her mind more settled now, she took in the sights and sounds of the market.

"One Pound, Two Pounds, Three Pounds look around"

"Anyone is a five pounds, anyone is a five pounds"

"Hot roasted chestnuts, peanuts, all nuts, you want nuts? "

The sing song call of the traders, the jostling of the patrons (she had her sling back bag close to her chest and underneath her sweater), the scrambles for bargains, the ever vigilant cops, the hordes and hordes of Nigerians dragging huge boxes behind them, she did not notice when she brushed against someone until the "brushee" reached out his arm and caught her lightly by the sleeve.

"Angel?"

She stared up into a pair of dreamy eyes. He was tall, light skinned (although he was obviously African) and a single diamond glittered in his ear. Broad chested, as her eyes skimmed quickly over his face and body, trying desperately to place him, she noticed the tail end of a tattoo on his neck, sneaking out from the end of his jacket. It looked like a tail, or a snake, or a letter. She sensed rather than smelt the perfume on him and though she could not readily place it, knew it must be expensive.

He spoke in a dreamy American accent, in a soft voice guaranteed to make a woman go weak in the knees...

"Fancy meeting you here Angel"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, of all the people I expected to bump into on Petticoat Lane, you were the least of them. Gosh, it is quite good seeing you again..."

She snatched her sleeve out of his grasp and proceeded to give him her classic pulverizing look. Quick as a flash, her face static, her eyeballs moved along the length of his body. Up, down, up, down, up, down in rapid succession! She followed it up with a long drawn out hiss

"Mtchewwwwwwwwwww"

As he felt the heat and resentment pouring out from her and the scorching eyes carving a path through his body as they seriously "eyed" him, he froze and the words died out on his lips. Hands still stretched out, he could not help but feel something rise in him as the vixen done with the eye washing, proceeded to hiss in unexpected Nigerian gutter style, turned and matched away. Her curvaceous but evenly distributed size 18, arresting his gaze until she disappeared around the corner.

"Damn!" He ran his hand over his head and down around his lips. Rubbing both hands together, he looked around, let out a soft whistle and said, almost to himself... "I want that!"



TO BE CONTINUED...... [maybe :-)]

Consequences...

Ikem looked down at the three children lying on the bed and sighed.

They looked angelic, with their limbs contorted around each other. So angelic they looked.... almost alive! He looked down at his hands and rubbed furiously as if to get some unseen stains off them. He had done what he needed to do and as far as he was concerned, the plan he had set in motion after receiving the results this morning was in progress.

Nobody, but nobody would make a fool of him, Ikem! He would rather hang a million times than allow that little snippet of femininity that called herself Dupe make him a laughing stock among his friends. He had been warned during his courtship. He was told by his friend that "ndi ofe mmanu" do not make good wives as they were born and steeped in infidelity, but he had ignored that because of love.

"Blast love!", he muttered under his breath.

The wool had truly been pulled over his eyes, what with her delectable form, her heartfelt confessions of the few misadventures she had had as a single campus girl, long before he met her. Her skills in the kitchen had further ensnared him. She had not only introduced him to the wonders of Yoruba meals, which he had hitherto thought was restricted to okro and stew with amala, but had also shown an eagerness to learn all sorts of Ibo meals. She had gone out of her way to woo his neighbor's wife in the general compound he lived in then and most weekends during their two year courtship period was spent shopping with Mama Abuchi, then coming home to prepare his meals under her supervision, and serving them with a flourish.

A little twist here, a little garnish there, topping each meal with a special touch, all of which had served to blow his mind.

He had had no foreknowledge of her bedroom skills as she was entirely strict about not crossing those lines.

"I have been there before Iyke, I do not want to go down that route again. I also know that you have had girlfriends in the past too. It is therefore nothing new to any of us!"

"I know baby, but I just want to have a feel of you, My Love. I am for real".

"I trust that you are for real, but I want to do it my way this time, My baby", she said sadly. Tears filled her eyes as she looked up at him, "Please baby, we have only a few more months to go".

And he had fallen for her ruse, the slut!

Fallen for the pretense of not spending the nights in his house, always insisting on going back to her shared flat after each visit. Dropping by in the company of her friends or younger sister and whenever she visited alone, insisting whatever time they had together was either spent sitting out in the common yard, or with the doors and windows flung wide open.

The she-devil had also pretended to be an ardent church goer. Oh, she had covered her tracks well. Singing in the choir, attending every night vigil available, always involved in every church activity going. She had always told him that these activities served to distract her and keep her faithful to her vow to not defile herself again before marriage, while strengthening her walk with God. And he, maga that he was - he felt like conking his own skull - had encouraged her. He was not too serious about church and all that, but since her faith in God was strong, did not want to serve as the stumbling block to her progress. He was certain that her Pastor, with his clever ways and sharp suits was part of this conspiracy to rubbish him. Well, he would show them all. After today, they would tread wearily with any other Ibo man they came across. He might be an ordinary unschooled Ibo trader, but he will show them he knew what they had been up to.

========================================================================

He remembered the day he had taken her to meet his parents. She had taken part of her annual leave from the office where she worked and had duly informed her parents of their intention to travel to Nnewi to see her fiance's parents. At this point, he was virtually a member of her family so there had been little or no resistance to her announcement. As they prepared to leave, her mother had pulled her aside into the bedroom and he did not need a soothsayer to decipher what might have transpired.

He had never asked, but Dupe had come out of the room giggling and had had a secret smile on her face as he headed to her flat to drop her off, before driving back home to his lonely bachelor flat. At this time, he was already counting the days to the wedding and had hoped for some secret action out of sight of the church, family members and neighbors. He felt she would be a bit more relaxed in the village and permit him access after all, they were as good as married.

To his chagrin, as soon as they arrived at the village, she had dropped to her knees before his parents seated under the pear tree, and had remained on her knees until his mother pulled her up in a warm embrace.

For his parents who were used to the average Ibo girl standing tall and proud as an Iroko tree while greeting their elders, her humble attitude had completely disarmed them. She had immediately dropped all her township girl airs and had inquired the direction to his mother's room in a soft pidgin.

She had emerged from the room minutes later with a simple tee shirt and a wrapper knotted around her neck and proceeded to make herself useful and almost entirely indispensable throughout the entire period. Fetching water from the stream with his sisters, sweeping the entire compound at least twice a day, pounding yam cheerfully, going into the cottage farm to harvest vegetables for stew. Her extra mural lessons with Mama Abuchi had come in extra handy as even his mother was hard pressed to protest when Papa declared Dupe's Onugbu soup one of the best he had tasted in recent times.

Throughout the entire weekend, he was not sure he had set his eyes on her more than two or three times. Always firmly by his mother's side, she ate with her, slept with her, went to the stream and market with her, even whipped out some attachment from her travelling bag and did a most endearing "suku" on his mother's hair before the weekend was over.

It was indeed a frustrated Ikem that turned to her as they commenced their journey back to the city on Sunday afternoon,

"But baby, why now? You kept yourself scarce from me throughout this weekend o. I really missed you!"

" You missed me? But we were together in the whole compound now all through the weekend!"

"But I missed you My Love, I really did." He held her hand, "Look at me baby".

She turned shyly to him.

"Were you avoiding me?"

"Me? Avoid you? Why would I avoid you Baby? I was so busy with Mama and enjoying the village atmosphere. Sorry babes. At least we are together here now".

Sadly, he couldn't fault that logic and had sulked all the way back to the city. After dropping her off at her house, he had driven home, fallen into his bed fully clothed then remembering, whipped out his phone and made the all important call.

"So, Mama, what do you think of Dupe".

"Oh, she is a very nice one my son, well brought up. Her mother must have done a very good job of training her.I would have given her a 100%, but for the fact that she is Yoruba"

"But..."

"Don't worry my son, even though she is not from our tribe, I cannot subtract more than 1% because her behavior is superb. Congrats my son. In fact, my co wife only noticed the hairstyle today and said if she had known, she would have come to plait her own her too. I told her next time......"

His mind drifted as Mama rambled on and on. Somewhere in a corner of his heart, a warm fuzzy glow started and commenced spreading into the darkest reaches of his heart.

It was very important to him that she win his mother over as Mama was very particular about the choice of wife for her only son. Dupe had acted instinctively as he had purposely not given her a heads up as to how difficult his mother could be and it seemed that every act of instinct she had pulled out of her hat of tricks, had touched a positive chord in Mama.

========================================================================

He shook his head as he returned to the present. He needed a clear mind now as he had been hoodwinked for too long. In fact, while thinking and plotting his revenge for the years of subterfuge and deceit she had put him through, he had suddenly seen with clarity, almost as if it was the dawn of a new day, that all had been a clever plot to entangle him. Wooing his parents, putting on the charming girl facade, all had been a ploy to lay the perfect background to camouflage her real intentions.

Today, she would know that even though he had been apprenticed and raised in the township, he was still a warrior at heart. No one pulls the tiger by the tail, whether the tiger was dead or alive!

None of the children had stirred as he held the pillow over their faces to snuff out their lives. While they each drew their last breaths, they had attempted to struggle, but the weight of his body on each had ensured the struggle was brief, at best feeble and short lived. Like his Dupe (Confound her, the Devil's Dupe, not his), the children were heavy sleepers.

Six, Four and Two years respectively, each had traveled swiftly from sleep to death, at the hands of the man Dupe had deceived into believing he was their father.

========================================================================

As he stepped into the master bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him, he gazed upon her as she slept, breathing heavily. He reached out to touch her on the cheek, then quickly withdrew his hand as if he had been stung by bees.

No, there was no room for tenderness today. He had a task at hand, and nothing would stop him from achieving his aim. As he began to put together the instruments he needed for the task, his mind inadvertently slipped away from him and wandered back to their wedding night, their first night together as man and wife.

He had remembered Dupe standing up at their Bachelor's Eve/testimony night party and informing guests in her childish yet firm voice that they would not be receiving visitors as from 8pm the next day, as they would be involved in "serious business". The tone of voice in which she said it, the fact that all their friends knew they had committed to celibacy until after the wedding, and the mischievous twinkle in her eyes caused everyone to collapse in laughter.

He looked into the eyes of this jewel of inestimable value, and thanked God he had both found and kept her. Of a truth, it had been extremely difficult for him to stick to the celibacy vow and each time he had slipped, he had taken no chances. He had chosen girls of easy lay, with whom a bottle of stout, one mortar of nkwobi and a few well chosen flattering words were enough to spread their thighs far apart. Even then, he had been properly protected, sometimes, double and even triple glazing as he would take no chances with his Love.

Though he had had girlfriends in the past whom he had made love to without protection, not even one had ever returned to him to complain that they had fallen pregnant. To a large extent, that had raised some doubts in his mind regarding his virility, but he had always pushed that to a dark hidden corner. He had also been very careful to date sharp Ibo girls who knew how to count their days properly and his first question before he took them was always - "Are you safe?".

Even though he had encountered one or two desperadoes, whom he was sure would have tried every trick in the book to entrap him, somehow  the god of the wild oats had been on his side and there had been no extended misadventures.

On their wedding night and true to her threats, she had started hustling any stray guests out of the two bedroom flat he now occupied in a more upscale section of town as from 6.30 pm, even managing to diplomatically shoo his parents back to the hotel room she had insisted he reserve as part of the preparations for the wedding. She had adamantly refused any plans to spend the night in a hotel themselves as she had insisted her first night with him would be in the sanctity of their bedroom and on the marriage bed she had steadfastly refused to defile.

With the last guests safely out of the house by 7.30 pm, she had locked up all the doors and turned off the lights, then led him by hand into the bedroom. To his amazement, there were aromatic candles set on glass saucers at safe corners in the room and the bed was a sea of roses. The scent was almost heady and he followed her like a lamb to the slaughter as she slowly led him into the adjoining bathroom and proceeded to undress him slowly, never for once taking her eyes off his.

He was almost hypnotised by the time she led him into the bathtub and proceeded to wash down every part of his body before paying any attention to herself. He was almost light headed by the time she toweled him off and led him back into the bedroom, to the bed, their matrimonial bed.

When he awoke the next morning, he thought it had all been a pleasant dream, until he heard her voice singing merrily in the kitchen. He found a pair of boxers, donned them, and followed the sweet aroma and even sweeter voice into the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around her and felt safe. He was home. She was his home, his safe haven and now more than ever he mouthed a silent prayer to God for sending her his way.

As he nuzzled her neck, she giggled girlishly and immediately his senses all came alive.

"My Tigress", he whispered in her ears, "I ga egbu kwa mmadu o!"

"Me kill you? Never My Baby! It had been so long and I couldn't wait any longer. I had to make sure the wait was worth it for you."

The grin on his face almost split his cheeks into two. Yes, he had hit the mother lode indeed. A lady everywhere else, and a tigress in private. What more could he ask of? He reached around her, turned off the gas and began to lead her back into the bedroom. Breakfast could wait. The pastors could afford to wait for them at the thanksgiving service after all, it was their day. He had waited long for this and it was well worth the wait.

Right now, he needed to satiate himself!

========================================================================

Almost nine months to the date, she pushed forth a bouncing baby boy, and marital life had been bliss. They had had their ups and downs, disagreements and misunderstandings, but nothing had been strong enough to shake the foundations of their marriage. It had indeed been a wise decision to delay sex as that had ensured that they had fully understood and studied each other and the friendship they had forged during their courtship had served as a strong and essential core to their union.

In her characteristic subtle manner, Dupe had encouraged him to start a matured program  in Business Admin at the State owned University and he was currently in his third year. She was an excellent home maker, a wise wife and an extremely devoted mother to the three kids she had given him.

He was the envy of his colleagues in the market as they slowly witnessed him begin to evolve and metamorphose into a different person.

While he still hung out with them, he kept that within the reasonable hours of the day, as soon as it was 6 pm, he was rushing home to spend some time with his wife in the comfortable and welcoming atmosphere she had created. Everything was going better than he could have ever imagined until that fateful day.

His neighbor in the shop had rushed in wearing a mournful look and had shared the story of how his brother had been cuckolded by his wife in the United States of America.

"Na the akata wey him import from Nigeria come go America go dey follow all those useless small boys sotay all the children wey she born for am no be him own"

"Ah, but how he take find out na?"

"My brother, dem go do DMA test" 

"DNA". Ikem corrected softly

"Anyone wey e wan be, make e be. Na so my brother wan take kolo o!"

"So wetin him do now?"

"Wetin he go do?Tthe hospital first call the woman na, as she hear say na result them wan call for the oga, she tell them make dem call am back for morning say him dey night work. As oga begin dey sleep, she pack all her property run comot for house!"

"Na wa o, which kain winch woman be this?"

"But", interjected Ikem into the chorus of outraged cries, "wetin make the man go begin dey ask questions? Him no trust the wife ne?"

"No be that, dem been go do general test, na him doctor tell my brother say him get low sperm motority..."

"Motility", corrected Ikem quietly as slowly, his heart began to hammer in his chest, "Low Sperm Motility"

"Ehehn, na hin the Doctor come advise my brother make e bring DMA from all him pikin body because e no understand how my brother take born full house".

"Ehehn, ehehn", Ikem was almost at the edge of his seat.

"Na hin my brother come take cunny, cunny collect the DMA, na so all him yawa take gas at once o".

Ikem stood up and walked into his shop and into the inner office. As he slumped into his seat, all his inner insecurities and doubts began to rush back all at once.

He recalled a trip to the Doctor's after one "agaracha" had given him a bad case of gonorrhea. After treatment, the Doctor had called him aside and informed him that his sperm were feeble and had mentioned "Low Sperm Motility". As the Doctor had reeled off a lot of advice, he had listened half heartedly, his mind bent on finding the girl and giving her a well deserved beating.

His hands shook as he stood up, picked his jacket off the back off his seat, dressed up and drove out of the market, his mind whirling, making so may additions and subtractions, yet failing to arrive at a pleasing total. The speed at which Dupe had taken in immediately after the wedding night. The nights she spent in church supposedly praying. The brief lulls before she would take in again which he had never noticed before or counted as anything while he luxuriated in enjoying the hidden pleasures she had to offer, but which now stood out glaringly to his confused mind.

Somehow, he found himself driving towards the direction of the hospital. He parked when he arrived and requested to see the Doctor, explaining the situation to him. The Doctor called up the file and confirmed that in fact, he had been diagnosed with Grade 3 Low Sperm Motility. As the doctor tried to reassure him that anything, including the switch to boxers and the 2 year long near celibacy could have reversed or even corrected the situation, Ikem kept hitting his head on the table.

Eventually, the doctor offered him a DNA test to set his mind at ease. Ikem agreed to the test on one condition, he wanted both the test, his condition and the results kept a secret from his wife while he tried to think this one through.

It had taken the grace of God for him to remain his usual self. Sometimes, he would sink into a depressed state and even though he began to be repulsed by Dupe's touch, somehow she was always able to work him out of his state and get him in a good mood. Obtaining the samples from his kids had been a piece of cake. Because of the closeness they had enjoyed as a family, he had the samples with the doctor the very next day and then commenced the waiting period of close to three weeks as the samples had to be rushed off to England for analyses.

Yesterday, he had received a text message from the doctor to come in for a meeting and as soon as he walked in, from the look on the doctor's face, he knew his whole world was about to come crumbling down.
He had sat quietly in shock, gently rocking back and forth as the Doctor gently explained to him that the results had "excluded him as the father of the children".

The rocking swelled into violent shivering, and he felt the bile rise in his throat as he rushed to the small wash hand bowl in a corner of the Doctor's office and retched violently. He straightened up, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and walked out of the hospital. He was almost at the end of the street when he realized that he had driven down. He returned, picked up his car and as he drove back home, the cold left him and an anger started building up in him. He raged and roiled and when the worst of the anger passed, began to hatch a plot to pay Dupe back for the almost nine years of deceit while wiping the spawn of the devil she had deceived him with off the face of the earth.

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Gently in order not to wake her up, he bound her hands and feet together, trussing her up like a goat. As he placed the gag in her mouth, binding the handkerchief across the mouth to keep it tied shut, her eyes flung open.

As she looked up at him with a look of terror, silently mouthing her questions, he picked up the horse whip he had bought in the market today. She looked beyond him and saw the neatly laid out knives. As she raised her eyes pleadingly up to him, begging for a chance to speak, to ask a question and receive an answer, any answer in return, he raised the whip and brought it down with force across her back.....


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Two hours later, the veil of madness slowly began to lift from his eyes. as blood lust rushed out of his head, the shivering returned. He looked down at her lifeless form.... and down at his blood stained hands.

Then a flashing at the corner of the dressing table caught his eye. He moved towards the table and picked up the smart phone he had placed on silent. He had intended that there would be no disruption to the execution of his plan tonight.

80 missed calls...

.... all within minutes of each other

... two numbers

... Dr Adegbola, First Trust Specialist Hospital

As he wondered what more the Doctor could want from him, a text message flashed on the screen.

.... Been trying to reach you. Please come into the hospital as quickly as you can. There was a mix up in the DNA test results sent to us...