Stop, Rewind...

No, it is not her fault!

Yes, perhaps she should have been able to say "No", but sincerely, honestly, you cannot lay the blame on her doorstep a hundred percent.

There are always two WILLING parties to every transaction and last I checked, in this part of the world, HE must have initiated the contract. He pursued her the way he pursued you, maybe even harder as he needed to convince her that it was indeed a valid transaction to undertake.

He bought her things, whispered sweet nothings when her guard was down, pretended to love, care and understand with her. He broke down her defenses: slowly but surely and maybe perhaps, before she could gather her wits about her, she had invested emotions in him and the rest, was a done deal!

He told her you were a drudge, had refused him intimate relations for the past two or three years, was a sloppy dresser, could not take care of the house and kids, you were planning to divorce him, etc, etc. Oh, how he filled her head with all sorts of stories and made false promises, all the while keeping his eye on a goal. Perhaps when they both ventured into the affair, having invested so much time and effort and emotions, they began to find themselves wallowing deeper into the cesspool of torrid passion they had created.

Her only crime was stupidity and the lack of a solid moral backbone. Blame her of those two sins and I will support you a hundred percent. (maybe a hundred and ninety percent more like).

Maybe, having discovered the illicit affair, rather than take the steps of a wise woman in order to reclaim back your husband, you brought crazy out of the box! You hounded him like a ghost (not even a friendly one at that, like a malicious and malevolent ghost). You had a sharp eye out for his phone and once he forgot it on the dressing table, you would lock the room door shut behind him, escape into the toilet with the phone, begin to scroll through the contents, find the evidence you needed (you Sherlock Holmes, you), and proceeded to confront him with the evidence soon as he stepped back into the room.

You berated and insulted. You fought and threatened. You breathed fire and brimstone and there was no dragon on the face of the earth, living dead or in the Harry Potterverse that could compare to you in your element. You made the house uncomfortable and uninhabitable because he had the temerity to look elsewhere and unwittingly, you helped to achieve that which you feared the most... you showed her up as an oasis in the desert that was you.

Perhaps you even broke the laws of decency and crossed the line of civil behavior, establishing yourself firmly as a criminal in the eyes of yours and his family, the law, neighbors  passers by, heck the world at large. Yes, you... you know what you did! You organised a gaggle of fickle minded floozies like you and went on a rampaging spree. You molested, assaulted, beat and stripped naked someone with whom you had no physical, spiritual or emotional contract. Someone who owed you nothing and you therefore had no business being around in the first place. You beat up the other woman!

Shame on you! Once again, you have held an umbrella over the competition's head while you stand out in the rain and get drenched.

Emotions and support begin to shift from you and skew fairly enough in the other woman's direction. Truth be told, even his friends who had your back (probably kept blaming their friend while the whole saga was playing out for breaking the eleventh commandment, were probably reminding him daily that you do not invest emotion and attention on the other woman to the detriment of the one you entered a contract with), will slowly begin to sympathize with her and maybe, begin to understand when over chilled drinks, the Oga is replete with complaints on how he got himself shackled to the world's worst woman!

Everyone begins to compare the "crazy" at home, to the "angel" who would make a better wife if Oga had just waited a few more years.

But we all know you are not crazy right? Just extremely ill-informed with a posse of malicious friends, some of whom would never employ the tactics they have encouraged you to unleash in their own homes. They will hold their homes together at all costs and even when they catch their husband on top of another woman, would actually stand by and provide manual air conditioning, all in a bid to ensure they keep their home together. Some of your friends are envious of you... they wish they had what you had. Some of them, having employed the same tactics and found themselves husbandless, are keen to initiate the next empty headed woman who thinks physical arsenal can be brought to bear on emotional conflicts into their fold.

Believe it when you are told that not every one that seems sympathetic to your course has your best interests at heart.

So, he was the one you entered into a contract with.

He was the one that promised to love, respect and honour.

He was the one that swore till death do you both part.

He was the one that affirmed in sickness and in health, through good times and bad.

He was the one that made you believe in the project that was you both.

He is the one you have an issue with, never the other woman! Your job description as a wife does not include making it easier for the woman of the streets to steal your man!

I know we all wish and pray we marry a man that never strays. Sadly, even the best of men have their weak moments!

But... a strong and confident woman, has her man! Ahh, she knows what to do. She knows when to bring crazy and when to let issues just slide.

She is prayerful, resourceful and confident in herself and her God! No diabolic or underground behavior around her. She knows how to hold and keep her man without resorting to manipulative behavior or visiting babalawos. Even when the man's eyes strays, his body never follows through because he respects the deep bond with the mature and intelligent woman he has at home.

So, recheck that bond. Reassess your relationship and ask yourself what you want out of it. Restrict some of your craziness as no man wants to be around a Bipolic Paranoid Schizophreniac. Have a firm faith and trust in God. Ensure your home is built around love, mutual respect, faith in God. Then sit back, relax and watch your relationship.

As for the other woman in every relationship out there. I fooled you huh? You think I have your back right? Well two words for you....

DIE

SLOWLY

Three more words...

ROT IN HELL

Stay away from married men you slime! Karma is a bitch and will get back to you sooner or later, and the best part, when you least expect!

Enjoy your week beautiful people.